Dear Dr. Archer,
My fiancé and I have a son together and I am currently pregnant with our second child. I am writing because I'm so confused about where we are headed.
My fiancé smokes marijuana every day. He doesn't take me anywhere, and he will not go to family functions. He is all about his friends, hanging at home smoking weed or going to his friend's house to smoke. We don't go anywhere together.
I always take care of everything when it concerns our son. We don't even talk! All we do is argue and he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong. I have to literally beg him to go to events at our son's school. I'm so tired of doing this on my own; I am literally at my last straw.
When I tell him about his addiction, he turns it around on me. He says I'm never home. I'm never home because even when I'm home, he is here with his friends smoking weed.
He has no time for me or our son, yet he criticizes the way I raise my son. We have no quality time together. When he's with his friends he won't answer his phone. He's literally an empty, unemotional person. What should I do?
Rachel
Dear Rachel,
You should call off the wedding NOW and take care of yourself, your son and your unborn baby. As it is, if you go ahead with your marriage, this is what you will have. Ready?
Your husband will smoke marijuana every day, regardless of how you or the children feel about it. He will not take you anywhere, and you and the children will go to family functions alone. You will raise the children alone, with no help from him.
You will not have anyone to talk to, because he will not be accessible to you, and he will think you are the unreasonable one, not him. He will blame you for everything, and your home will consist of a bunch of guys smoking marijuana all day.
Think this is a good environment for your children? Wait! There's more. He will not have time for you or the children, yet he will continue to criticize how you raise those children. You will never have quality time together, because he'll be too busy with his friends.
When you need him, he won't be there, because he won't answer his phone, even if you find yourself in an emergency. You will have an empty, unemotional husband, and each year it will get a little worse.
Is this what you want? This is not love, Rachel; in fact, nowhere in your letter did you say you loved him. This is what you have and it sure isn't going to change after the wedding. In fact, Rachel, it will become worse. Why have you put up with this?
Anyway, it is what it is, and now it’s decision time. You either let your life continue the sad way it's going now, or you decide to make a better life for you and the children. It’s a no brainer, Rachel: You. Must. Leave!
The decision is yours, Rachel. You can continue being miserable and cement it in a marriage, or you can end this now. After you end it, be sure to get an attorney to make sure he pays child support. That is a right of your children, and he needs to be held to that responsibility. Good luck.
Dr. Archer
