Dear Dr. Archer,
I started pharmacy school last year. I spoke to this guy from class for a few months, but I didn't give him space, and he began to avoid me. I started telling students in class how he was treating me. I guess I couldn't accept that he didn't want to talk to me and thought it would be nice to get insight from others what he might be thinking.
He has blocked me on facebook, and on his non-school Gmail account, he blocks and unblocks me on chat. He told his friends from class and outside of school that he would never talk to me. However, for the sake of being in the same program for three more years, I want him to be civil.
I don't know if this has anything to do with him getting back with his ex-girlfriend, or that I really like him and he doesn't like me, or what. I know he was upset that I got about 80 percent of the class involved by talking about the situation, and he probably feels scrutinized just as much as I do. Students are splitting up, taking sides and all I want is for him to be civil again.
More importantly, I'm afraid all of this is affecting my career and relationships with my classmates. I don't know why I kept trying to talk to him when he didn't want to. Now this has escalated and he has been avoiding me since October and I'm terrified to go back to school after this summer. I want peace with this situation and wish he would give me a chance to explain myself.
Is there any hope that after some time he will talk to me again? My friends are telling me I need to let it go, but it's hard for me to move on because I see him every day and want him to forgive me.
My advice is to write this guy an email. Apologize for your actions and ask for his forgiveness for getting others involved. No ifs, ands or buts! You should never have involved the class; this should have remained between the two of you. Just a heartfelt apology and wish him good luck in school this coming year. And then, Adi, drop it. Go on with your life like normal.
Don’t try to ever speak to him again unless he initiates it, AND do not discuss him with your classmates ever again. Nothing good can come from trying to explain yourself any further. This in no way will affect your career or your relationship with classmates unless you let it. I hope you learned a valuable lesson you can use to better yourself in the future. The key to making mistakes is learning from them and not repeating them. This is unfortunate, but it needs to be over.
When you return to school, if he talks to you, great. Be cordial and friendly, but keep your distance. If you again fall into the trap of not giving him space then you've learned nothing. Understand, whether it's this guy or anyone else, everyone needs space, you included. Remember whether or not he starts being civil to you is beyond your control; he's in control of his actions, and you're in control of yours.
Read Lindsey's Boyfriend Wants Some Space, She Says No!, How Can I Get My Boyfriend Back? and I'm Not Ready To Let Him Go! for more information and suggestions. Remember, "If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” ~ Dalai Lama XIV
These things have a way of dying out over time, and it's likely your classmates would have moved on. I'm sure they have much bigger and better things to worry about than your love life. Be friendly, concentrate on your school and keep your grades up. Please do not be the one who keeps this alive and drags it out. It's done, and time to move on. Good luck.
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