Dear Dr. Archer,
I have a problem that's been following me for the past five years. I had a really good, good friend in school. She was very special to me, and I loved her so much. Not too much, though; I've never had confused thoughts about having a lesbian relationship with her.
She's always been different; not sharing her life with me on the same basis as I did with her. She would not listen to what I was saying, reply to texts, nothing.
She knew how much she meant to me, I guess, but I always felt that she got bored with me for some reason. It really hurts every day seeing her, (we live on the same street), and she won't even look at me.
I really love this girl; I've always cared about her and I still do. I just don't get it why she's this way. I asked her before, but she'd get upset or not answer my question. The only way I could talk to her in an honest way was when she was very drunk.
Help me out, Dr. Archer. I have no idea what to do. I need her in my life. I really do. Thank you very much!
Let me get this straight. You've been chasing after a girl, wanting her to be your friend and to like you……for FIVE years? And you need her in your life and want her to talk with you in an honest way? Why??
What she's doing is ignoring you and your feelings. Why on earth would you think that's acceptable? You should never try to convince someone you're worth being friends with or loving. They either do or they don't.
She doesn't sound like she's given you even half a chance. The only time she gives you the time of day is when she's drunk, and that's just ridiculous.
Stop thinking about this girl. You want her attention because she ignores you. You don't like her, Jane. You like who you want her to be, and you want her to change her mind about you, and to like you. Forget that.
Focus on other girls who know how to treat others well and show common courtesy. Pick up a new hobby, and invite a friend to join you. As time passes, you actually will think of this girl less and less.
You say you need this girl in your life. No! She's the last thing you need in your life. Life is for enjoying, and you're not doing that while trying to get someone to like you. Be smart from now on; do not let others walk over you and make you feel like less of a person. You are much too good for that.