Career Advice - Work Related Advice

Dear Dr. Archer,
I am 27 years old, and realized that over the past three or four years I have slowly become a different person. Three years ago I enjoyed my job, was going out and socializing, surrounding myself with friends and was in a relationship. Then I accepted a new job, moved to a new city and have found that since then, I have become numb to almost everything around me. I try to figure out what happened and am trying to get back to the mental state I used to enjoy.

I do not like my job. I can perform my job duties well, but I lack the motivation to do it. I'm an event planner who does not enjoy planning things, being in front of groups of people or sitting in meetings. I would like to find a job that I could enjoy. The last employment I remember liking was working in a hospital.

Therefore, I have decided to take steps toward entering a career in the healthcare industry. I am getting a degree in Medical Assisting with the hopes that once I graduate my knowledge and skills will enable me to pursue a new career and hopefully find my niche in the workplace. In the meantime, I am stuck at a job that I do not enjoy and it is slowing making me depressed, scared, and frustrated. At times I believe I may suffer from some social anxiety. I do not want to date or be in a relationship anymore; I am terrified of getting hurt again. I've built a wall around me, and I feel like I can't break it down even if I wanted to. My previous relationships have left me cynical, bitter, and scared. Deep down inside I feel threatened by any guy that shows me the slightest bit of attention. I come up with ways to push them away and protect myself.

This is self-defeating to someone who would like to eventually get married and have a family. It depresses me because I feel that my actions will never let me fall in love or allow someone to fall in love with me. On top of that, I'm struggling financially. I am moving in with my sister and her husband because I cannot afford my own apartment. Although I am getting better at managing my money, I am not getting ahead. I feel like I will never be able to afford things on my own. The conundrum of my whole situation is that the job I hate is damaging my mental state, but it is the one thing that is supporting me financially. For the past six months, I have been looking for a better job but as of yet, have not been successful.

I am tired of feeling this way. Although I am trying to stay focused, it is hard to have a positive outlook at times. I get overwhelmed with all my thoughts running through my head. It's exhausting. My biggest fear is that I will never be happy again and that makes me hate myself for becoming this way.
Jaycee

Hi Jaycee,
You are certainly not the first person to hate their job, and you are taking steps to get the education needed to make the move to one you think you will enjoy. Also, you must factor in that you have moved to a new city which means leaving behind old friends and attempting to make new ones. Now add in a financial struggle and moving in with your sister and husband and it's no wonder you are not happy!

In the final analysis you deserve credit for understanding your situation and taking the proper steps to correct it. Just understand that patience in this situation is paramount. You've figured out what needs to be done and this recession won't last forever. Perhaps one day you'll look back on this and be thankful that you were able to figure out your life's calling. Good luck.

Dear Dr. Archer,
Several years ago, I hired my mother-in-law at my place of employment. I am in the position of being her supervisor. Things started off alright, but I always felt responsible for her. When she was neglectful in her duties, I would try to shield her and make excuses for her. The few times I actually performed my responsibilities and corrected her, she would retaliate and say things that would be very hurtful to me. I became so cautious of her feelings that I would stress myself as to how to make her happy.

Well, I finally had had enough. I decided not to put up with her abuse and lack of regard for my feelings. I also decided that I was not going to allow her to control or manipulate me anymore. But now she not only doesn't talk to me, she makes me out to my husband's family to be the bad guy picking on her. I hate that I am in this situation but I don't know how to resolve it. If it wasn't for me she would be unemployed. I don't really know what to do and honestly, she has zapped my energy.

Sharon

Hi Sharon,
I am assuming your company doesn't have an EAP (Employee Assistance plan) in place, or a Human Resources guide on how to handle this type of situation. If so, I'm sure you would have already followed company policy. So here's what you need to do, Sharon. First, you must tell your husband exactly what's happening at work. Inform him of the fact that if his mothers performance doesn't improve, she will lose her job. He needs to understand the problem and that you are counting on his support, as well as his family's support.

Next set a meeting and review her past performance with respect to these standards. Be sure to include the good along with the bad. Give concrete examples from your list on what needs improvement. Tell her you will be monitoring her and that you expect her to improve immediately. Have this meeting with her at work and explain exactly what the deal is in a calm and professional tone.

Try to finish the meeting on a good note by giving examples of what she does well. Tell her the two of you will meet again in two weeks to review how things are progressing. Have all of this documented in writing and have her sign the paperwork acknowledging what you have discussed.

After that it's up to her to show improvement. If she doesn't, make sure to document the shortfalls in writing in order to review with her in two weeks. Explain that if there is no improvement by then that you will be reporting this to your boss and that her job will be in jeopardy. Good luck, Sharon.

Having a good job is more than just about the money. Obviously you like your job or you wouldn't have stayed there for 10 years. Rankings done on job satisfaction show that issues such as feeling empowered to make a difference, a healthy/safe environment, hours/time off, friendly co-workers and fair management are all important in defining the total work experience.

As for approaching your boss about more money, that's straightforward. First prepare ahead of time by doing your homework. Check around town and see what others are making for a similar job, then sit down and make a list of the things you do and, most importantly, why you think you deserve a raise.

Dear Dr. Archer,
At work, I can often complete tasks more efficiently than my boss. I've noticed he insists on speaking with clients on the phone or in person, rather than using e-mail, or he waits for additional information before even beginning a project, instead of getting started right away. I can see that our clients would be better served if he'd change some of these things, but because he's my boss, I hesitate to bring it up.

Hi David,
This is a very complex question that involves much more than just a boss/employee relationship or how quickly and efficiently a task is completed. The first thing you have to understand is that there is more than one "right way" to do a job.

Some people like to take their time, analyze the situation from many different angles, and then talk to the client to get feedback before they actually present a finished plan. Others, on the other hand, tend to be much more goal-oriented and are able to get the job completed using modern conveniences such as the internet, email, fax, etc.

You have to realize that different clients will demand a different type of approach. It could be your boss has a history of working with these individuals and understands that they want more than just a quick response and require interpersonal interaction, such as a phone call or face-to-face meeting. The first thing I suggest David, is that you try to look at this from your boss's point of view. Make an effort to understand his personality type to give you better insight into why he approaches things the way he does. It may not be inefficiency at all (particularly if he is successful), but instead is simply the way he chooses to approach his business.

Next, look at the small areas where you can clearly see an opportunity to improve response time for clients. Suggest these ideas only where it is clear that a simpler, more direct approach, such as email, will do the job. Then, judging by his reaction to these small suggestions, you will be able to gauge how he might react to bigger ideas. I suspect there might well be a happy medium between the two of you which will end of serving the majority of your clients well. Also I think this is a clear cut case where you both can learn from each other.

I have a work-related problem I'm hoping you can help me with. One of my co-workers seems like she's really out to get me. Whenever possible, she does something to make me look bad to my boss and other co-workers. She actually seems to get pleasure from my discomfort, and this has been going on for several months. What can I do about this without seeming like a 'tattle tale' or whiner, or should I just continue to ignore this.
Alicia

Unfortunately, most of us encounter at least one psycho co-worker during the course of our careers. If you truly feel this woman is going out of her way to discredit your work performance, then you must take action. The key to not being labeled a 'whiner' will be to behave professionally as you work to resolve the situation.

First, speak privately to the co-worker about your concerns. Don't be confrontational rather focus on the facts and be non-accusatory. Offer her an opportunity to explain her side of the story and this may actually clear the air. If nothing else, being direct puts her on notice that you are alert to her actions. If that doesn't work then document her behavior in writing. This will give you a summary of details supporting your claims and showing a pattern of negative behavior. Include any notes about how these occurrences disrupted the workplace and adversely affected your performance. Then, when you have several incidences on record, bring the matter to your manager's attention in an objective, professional manner.

Your goal is not to complain, whine or vent, but to discuss the situation with your boss emphasizing how your co-worker's actions are affecting productivity. You may have to bring this up more than once, so keep up your documentation. If maintaining high departmental morale and a comfortable work environment is important to your manager, they will address the problem. If no action is taken, you will have to decide if you want to continue to tolerate the treatment, or look for another job where you will be happy.