Dear Dr. Archer, I am a 25 year old student, working on my post graduation. My problem is that I find myself under much stress these days. I have a large number of faults within myself which I have analyzed for a long time, and am finding it difficult to resolve these faults.
My faults include low confidence, poor writing, poor comprehension, poor communication, poor academic scores. I find that I cannot speak before a group, and I believe this is due to low self-confidence. I want to change myself into a extrovert guy, but how can I do this? How can I get over the fear of public speaking? I know what I want to say, but when it is time for me to speak before an audience, I can't. Please help.
Ajay
Dear Ajay,
Public speaking is one of those activities that strikes fear in many people. For the majority of people, this is something that must be worked on quite diligently. Even those individuals who get up and speak before audiences for a living, say they had to get over their fear of speaking in public.
I believe you are putting more pressure on yourself than is necessary, Ajay. No one expects perfection. That belief will only put incredible pressure on you and make you more anxious. What your objective should be is to give your audience something of value. If they walk away with something of value, they will consider you a success. If they walk away feeling better about themselves, or feeling happy or entertained, they will consider their time with you worthwhile. Even if you make a mistake or get tongue-tied, if they get something of value, they will be appreciative. You do not need to be brilliant to succeed. Also, just focus on two or three key points and speak naturally about them. If you can draw upon past experiences and knowledge on theses points, all the better.
Remember that the word is to GIVE, not GET. The purpose of public speaking is not for you to get approval, fame, clients or whatever. It is to give something useful to your audience. Be yourself, be humble and when appropriate, use humor. We all understand humor, but by humility, I mean standing up in front of others and sharing some of your own human frailties, weaknesses and mistakes. When you can stand up in front of others and show that you are not afraid to admit yours, you create a safe, intimate environment where others can acknowledge their own personal shortcomings, as well.
Remember that your audience truly wants you to succeed. Most of them are scared to death of public speaking, also. They know the risks of embarrassment and failure when you present yourself in public. Trust me, they feel for you, and they admire your courage. They will be on your side, no matter what happens. The best way to practice this is to just go out and do it. Speak in public. The more you do, the easier it will get, and before you know it, your skill, confidence and natural ability will shine.
Dr. Archer
