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The Psychology Of Beauty

6/29/2012 3:23:41 PM

The beautiful woman. We love to look, talk and wonder about her. You might think being beautiful is all great. Think again. Find out the psychology of beauty to learn the good, the bad and ugly sides of beauty.

Posted by: Dr. Dale Archer | Submit comment | Tell a friend

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6/29/2012 3:53:54 PM

A beautiful (excellent) study about beauty. These gorgeous women, however, are not impressive by their looks. Take out their lovely skinny glittery outfits, their luscious make up which took one hour to fix, instead give them a dull t-shirt to wear, remove the jewellery and the high heels, mess up their sleek styled hair, and what have you got instead? An average looking woman. Not the same about men though, as a handsome man is as handsome in a t-shirt as he is in a suit. Very true, that beauty is off-putting. Unfortunately and naturally, a man will think twice before approaching a very gorgeous looking woman. She has so many offers. Would she be faithful? Likely not! The same holds good for a handsome man, in fact even more. Who would want a husband whom all the girls look when he walks into a room? He feels out of league. The issue to think about is, why do those women try so hard to make themselves beautiful? To get someone to look at them? Would he not look at them otherwise? Are they trying to prove they have a value? Bottomline, nobody wants a wife or husband, whose best friend is the mirror. Like I would prefer a little wild flower, which someone will pick up from a field, and give it to me, than the most expensive bouquet coming via mail order from a prestigious flower shop..

7/3/2012 6:17:49 PM

Don’t completely agree, Marcia. There are beautiful women out there without make-up, designer clothes or $300 hairstyles.

7/4/2012 1:59:52 PM

True...! Just, I am probably not one of them! I need to have my make up and my girlie stuff :-)

happy grasshopper

7/4/2012 3:22:51 PM

Well, I am the only species which won't have this 'problem'. I am always attractive, in fact I take the color of the plants I am found on. So I choose my mood, then I go there. It works. I recommend it!!!

7/4/2012 10:09:51 PM

I've found beautiful women run the gamut. But one thing they all have in common, in my experience, is they have the advantage getting almost any job they apply for; and if their boss is male, they will be given the benefit of the doubt in work conflicts. So it's little wonder other women may resent them in general.

I have not found that beautiful women (except famous ones who isolate themselves) have any trouble getting men. As the gal-pal type, I've gotten inside plenty of men's heads, and I am always astounded at some of the preternaturally beautiful women they think look "approachable" and "like the girl next door." I'm sure it's from reading too many Playboys.

As with death defyingly gorgeous men, exceptionally beautiful women not only get more than their fair share of attention but also get more than their fair share of obsessed pursuers, which can certainly get old, both to the woman and to all her overlooked merely nice looking female friends. The top tier of beautiful people, on the whole, I believe get very tired of come-ons and silently hope for someone they feel safe approaching who won't go completely over the deep end before they even know them.

[This reminds me of a story -- sorry. There was a really handsome guy, who I didn't know but saw from a distance at promotional events because he was a radio station's poster boy. He wasn't my type and I wasn't after him, but he was gorgeous, and something about certain gorgeous men sometimes makes me want to goad them. Anyway, he had recently been featured on the radio's annual calendar. In one of the photos, he was climbing out of a swimming pool. We ended up face to face at a record signing event, and I said, "The last time I saw you, you were dripping wet." And he said, "Well, one of us was dripping wet." WHA-AM! I so richly deserved that. I still laugh about it.

PS - I later found out he was a regular customer of two label prostitutes who were sisters. I knew one of them in her day job. Being in radio, I'm sure the label picked up the tab, but I still never could understand WHY WHY someone who had a good shot at almost anyone would instead choose ho's.]

Speaking of those ho's, one of those mentioned above was a pretty very petite girl, and when she worked in the office, every guy who passed, she made eye contact with, and usually they would end up dropping by my office to get the skinny on her. They all found her approachable. Well, I guess so. She'd go have dinner with absolutely anyone who'd pay for it. She once told me, "I never pay for a meal. If I don't have a date, I skip the meal." But the main thing that struck me is guys of all ilk, good looking/bad looking, successful/unsuccessful, introverted/extroverted were all drawn to her and the word "approachable" or "girl next door" always came up. Her father was a serial cheater airline pilot, her sister was a bigger ho than she was, and that's about all I knew about her, but she had a pleasant light personality. I will just say if she is the girl next door, lock up your husbands!

To Dr. Archer's point that there are beautiful women without all the cosmetics and clothes, I totally agree. In my hippie days, a friend of mine was an absolute goddess. She didn't even shave anything, mind you, and not a speck of makeup. She was a brilliant wit and dabbled in underground politics. The words "small but dangerous faction" come to mind. Schizophrenia ran in her family and she lived with the fear of inherting it. Instead, she became one of the only true cocaine addicts I've known and married a psychiatrist, had a beautiful daughter, whom the father had custody of after divorce, and died quite young. Her entire life was filled with tragedy, and she blamed her beauty on a lot of it. It really damaged her that men would make themselves so miserable over her and that it would hurt they women who loved them. One committed suicide. I remember waking one night to find two men on opposite sides of the bed, sitting cross-legged on the floor just watching her sleep, one of them her then boyfriend, and another a new guy who had fallen for her that I knew and had had a painful crush on. Triangle. It was all very sad.

As Dr. Archer says, low self-esteem can be a feature with really beautiful people. A man I loved had to prove to himself that all his success wasn't just from his looks and covered up his best feature with a full beard the last couple of decades to prove it. His low self-esteem stemmed from a childhood illness that should have killed him. He was one of those who women would actually physically pull and try to force him to go home with them. I myself mooned myself silly over him, but I was good at not letting him know and got away with it for a couple of lifetimes.

Likewise, I knew a beautiful local model because she was dating a total loser I worked with. He was an abusive, loud-mouthed, alcoholic. She was sweet as pie but seemed void between the ears. She just wasn't conversant about anything except beauty products, and that is no exaggeration. She had very low self-esteem, and I was told her mother had raised her with one thing in mind: To be beautiful and marry money. So what she was doing with this tool from work remains a mystery. I actually felt very sorry for her and was kindly disposed to her. She waited on her boyfriend hand and foot, and he enjoyed bossing her around when others were in the room. It just hurt me to watch it. She stayed with him some years, but finally moved on, and quickly married the next guy she dated, who I hope was a better and kinder match, but I never saw her again after that.

Probably the majority of beautiful women I've been around overused their beauty and were lackadaizical about developing useful skills. When you're a woman, it's just too handy. In many instances, it simply doesn't build character; but then there are always the exceptional people, who seem always to have had some obstacle to overcome and perhaps, therefore, don't take for granted their beauty and who have empathy for others that saves them from becoming the shallow stereotype who get all the breaks that we're all too familiar with.

7/6/2012 6:51:01 PM

So let me tell you my latest beauty accessory: it is a lipstic I discovered 'buried' since the time I was 19. I just found it somewhere! It is so sparkly that I remember, the very few times I dared to wear it back then, one guy told me 'did you have iron for lunch?' and then he said he wanted to kiss me but he would get full of sparklers. So he didn't (not that mυch). So fast forward to today. I have been wearing it all the time, this way I make sure nobody will kiss me (ie at work, but also generally). So I am actually doing the society a favor, making men stay away. That means I am helping some women. Lets see. Will I receive a medal for that? :-)

7/11/2012 2:45:57 PM

My mum said, the very beautiful women always complain they are not good looking and nobody looks at them etc, in order to make the listener compliment them upon hearing his,and praise them, because they like and seek praise. I said I dont believe that. Then she said, ask Dr.Archer whom you trust, if you dont trust me and he will confirm it to you. So, would you be on my side or on my mum's side? Sorry for asking! :-)

7/11/2012 4:57:01 PM

Ahhh, Grasshopper, the joys of being a chameleon!

7/11/2012 4:58:06 PM

I could comment on much about what you said, Lola, but I think that ‘Why do men like ho’s’ is worthy of a blog in and of itself. Stay tuned!

7/11/2012 6:25:36 PM

I can't wait, Dr. Archer, although I think the simple answer is: Because they're there.

7/11/2012 10:36:36 PM

I think I might side with your mum on this issue, Marcia. Even beautiful women can have self esteem issues, and look for compliments. Whenever you get into discussions like this, remember, Mother knows best. :)

happy grasshopper

7/12/2012 6:42:05 AM

Chameleon in order to save the day, but always true to myself.. Deep down, no matter what color we might be wearing, we are one, sure, fixed material. How well do we know it, is another story..

7/12/2012 1:20:52 PM

7/12/2012 11:33:15 PM

And easy. And full of fake flattery and false empathy. And good in bed. And promise they won't tell anyone. And don't bitch about booty calls.

7/13/2012 3:51:02 AM

If you side with my mum, its like you side with me, because me and my mum, we are the same :-)

7/19/2012 12:45:33 AM

7/19/2012 12:45:44 AM

So, I’ll side with you both!

7/19/2012 4:51:31 PM

Great! So give us something else to compete for. What is your favorite dinner?! Two cooks are waiting. I am definitely the fastest one!

7/27/2012 1:44:10 PM

7/28/2012 8:05:09 AM

waiting with the saucepan! With a good purpose!

happy grasshopper

7/28/2012 2:59:16 PM

I want to come round to watch all this! As long as you don't fry me!

8/3/2012 5:30:00 AM

In this blog, we forgot to mention the difference between natural beauty and plastic beauty! Maybe the result looks would be the same, however, there are men who care about the truth, in such matters. I still remember, whilst on a first date with one man, how I was interviewed about my age 'ok you look 28, but are you older? How older?' and I had to arrive, at my age, after he guessed, going upwards, and when he arrived 'exactly' I stopped him. I told the truth. He also wanted to know if I am a natural blonde. Again I told the truth, that natural blonde gets a few shades darker, after the age of 18. On one hand, you might say these questions are rude, but if a man is serious, he wants to know if he can have kids and if his kids will look pretty. Because a plastic beauty might produce a monster. :-) Of course I plan for no kids, so all this interview led nowhere.

8/5/2012 6:52:25 PM

Another interesting story, Marcia!

8/6/2012 5:21:09 AM

I noticed how I said 'of course', as if it was the most natural thing not to have kids... But whatever we believe, seems like 'of course'.

happy grasshopper

8/6/2012 2:00:33 PM

Yea Marcia, I was there while you had that date, I watched you, up from a tree. You treated that guy like crap. He told you to look at the moon, and you said 'ok so what'. Are you always behaving like that on dates?! You are a disaster, you need lessons!

8/8/2012 9:04:14 PM

No, Happy Grasshopper. Marcia seems too much like a lady to treat anyone like crap. She needs no lessons. The guy? That's a different story.

8/9/2012 3:57:24 PM

Patricia my darling! I do need the lessons, but... never mind! It is not urgent to find a husband!

happy grasshopper

8/9/2012 3:59:34 PM

I am a little bit naughty... sorry! But I speak from the heart!

8/11/2012 12:03:08 PM

And you are such a precious dear, Marcia. I love reading your letters and I so enjoy your comments. Always positive, always giving others the benefit of the doubt. You deserve only the best, and that's what I wish for you.

8/11/2012 4:13:54 PM

You too, darling Patricia! I wish you 'double the best'!!! You know, tonight and tomorrow night, there will be a rain of stars, visible on the sky (if it's not cloudy). It happens every summer. So it's a chance to make a wish! What shall I wish? I can't find something to wish for myself. My only wish at the moment is not to have the 3rd world war yet. It is prophesied to start from the global economic crisis. My only wish is that it would not happen during my lifetime. Unfortunately, it seems we need scare alerts to return to God... Otherwise, life is good and easy, and it is easy to forget we are not here forever.

8/13/2012 12:38:35 AM

I see what's going on and can't help but wonder if this is it. The state of the world and the economic crisis does make one pause, doesn't it? Three years ago I managed to escape a very dangerous husband and only want peace in my life. That is my wish, so I'll be on the lookout for those stars! As it is now, I have my kitties that found my home, and my garden expands each season -- it's a pretty good size now, and I'm growing much of my own vegetables.

Although I don't eat meat, I do eat eggs, but where I live we have a restriction on farm animals, so no hens for me, unfortunately. I'd love to have some girls around here for fresh eggs, but alas, I have to get those at the grocery. I'm taking one day at a time, but trying to prepare..... just in case. All in all, life is very good, and there's beauty in each and every day, and I cherish simple moments -- I find them to be the best.

Lola? Do you know what you would wish for?

8/13/2012 3:06:24 PM

You mean you prepare just in case we are not able (allowed) to buy food? Very wise. We have not done that yet, although a big garden outside is waiting! We only have fruit trees: figs,apples and grapes. We also have a banana tree, but it doesn't seem to bring anything. But I also remember hearing my pastor say 'God will turn the rocks into bread'. Will you say hello to your kitties from me! The stars didn't fall yet, or I didn't see them. Maybe they are skeptical to fall or not. Can they make the wish come true or not.

Patricia Broussard

8/13/2012 11:34:12 PM

For trees I have pear, lemon and fig. Two beautiful blueberry bushes and I've planted three mango seeds. So far, so good. They're beautiful, and I can't wait until they produce fruit -- about 3-4 years! But I am an avid knitter, so needless to say I'm a pretty patient person.

I'm sure the stars, whether they fall or not, are capable of humoring a couple of women some wishes. I say let's go for it.

8/14/2012 2:13:17 PM

Now I feel better and I have more wishes...! But the stars are gone!!! Why am I always late?

8/15/2012 2:18:43 PM

Late with everything...!

9/5/2012 2:24:51 PM

Actually I haven't seen a falling star for at least 20 years. But I saw one yesterday, as I was talking to a friend. The weird thing was that, at that very second, he was telling me on the phone, about how he feels the blessing of his dead mum, looking after him. And right then, the star fell. I think it was a message from his mum, and I told him. I didn't make a wish about myself. I didn't want to 'steal' the star.

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